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JessieGirl11
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Name: Jessie
Birthday: 3/2/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Worshipin', Dancin', Talkin', and RUNNING AROUND AND PLAYING WHENEVER I CAN! YAY!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Textiles
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/20/2005
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| Isn't it interesting that somehow we blog when we A. Feel like crap or B. feel AMAZING! or C. are totally bored lol.. For some reason I'm always an A So to date.. My 19 year old sister is now pregnant with either my best friends baby or some random guy at works baby. This random guy has now told me that my sister is cheating on my friend (who is always my boyfriends roomie (it makes things SOOO interesting)). Oh hoorah for that. She continues to lie and not realize that in a few more months she'll have a baby and life will no longer be all about her. My family has moved away so I'm trying REALLY hard to take care of it all... and duh..only God is good at that, but for some reason we all seem to forget that... My boyfriend of now 2 years and I have an amazing relationship but yet he is TERRIFIED of marriage, probably because he's been around some bad ones... but never the less, dating someone who CAN wait to marry you feels somewhat unsatisfying. I guess as christians who don't have sex till their married, and when we fall in love we become completely dedicated, we kinda think our soulmate will be unable to wait to marry you... yet the love of my life has no problem waiting. I am working 3 jobs and pretty exhausted, for the most part I am completely alone as far as being close to an actual human go... yet I have life sooooooo easy compared to like 90% of the world. Why should I ever complain? God loves me... and these trials are great! Being a target means that the devil knows your faith and wants to take it away... so hooray that Satin knows that Jesus and I are forever...hooray that he's trying to take me down...hooray that things are so hard. For in times like these, where we feel we can't go one more day...We realize our need for God, we realize that only he can get use through one more day, only he can heal our hurt, and only he can carry us through these times. So even though this is an A blog... it's a great one... cause only God can make me feel again.. I can't wait to be un numb. | | |
| I have accepted the fact that my sister is a selfish bitch...Unfortunately, after everything she has put everyone through... you kinda just have to let her go. She's in Gods hands. I'm not gonna lie, when I finally kicked her out.. my life got better. My life got great! No more worries, no more drama, no more hurt. One of my close friends, Hester, is my boyfriends roommate. They are best buds, so it's awesome. I'm over there all the time. Me and Hester have been friends for over 2 years... and it's been great.! We hang out and just talk... we don't agree on a whole lot, but we respect each other and are always honest. It's been a good friendship. Plus, since he's Justin's roommate, we can all hang out and it's just fun! Jackie started hanging out with Hester... yea I knwo right? Try to myself away from her and all the storm she brings... and she starts hangin out with my close friend. I let it go, or tried to. But a few weeks ago some ppl at work said Jackie and Hester were dating. Jackie is 19 and a terrible lowly person, Hester is 26 a non believer, and a good person. I asked Hester and he looked me in the eyes and said no. I trust him, he's always told me the truth before. I found out it was a lie. They are dating. She did this to me in high school. Took my best friend Jon and screwed around with him and I had to bail her out of trouble and so I had to lose him. HERE IT GOES AGAIN. She actually got him to lie... what's worse is they don't even have the guts a few weeks later to tell me the trugh... THEY JUST FREAKIN' PUT IT ON FACEBOOK. HOW IMMATURE!!!! I'M SO MAD... I'M SOOOO MAD I haven't even been able to go over to their place (justin and hester's). Someone at work said they're just fuck buddies.... someone used my little sisters name and fuck buddies in the same sentence..... do you know how that has messed me up. My sister is a big slut, and everyone knows it. I tried to ignore it, but the whole reason she's datin hester is to get at me. It's why she got with Jon in high school. She's having sex with an old guy... she's a teen and he's close to 30... they are SCREWING!!!! He was MY friend..... She's a horrible person and as hard as I try she WILL NOT STAY OUT OF MY LIFE... WHY??? WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO CONSTANTLY HURT ME!! Everyone says she's just doing this to hurt me.... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HER!!! SHE'S A SELFISH HORRIBLE SLUT AND SHE'S MY SISTER!!! I know how i'm supposed toact. I've been praying... but i'm so mad.... im so so sos osos mad and have been for a very long time. I'm even starting to have anger probs with other ppl because i'm just always so mad. and the harder I pray and try to get away the harder she tries to hurt me.I'M TIRED... I'M SO TIRED. I don't want to do this anymore. WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SCREW UP HER OWN LIFE WITHOUT TRYING TO MESS UP MINE. What's worse is that I'm letting her get to me. But how can I not? I can't even go next door to my boyfriends place without her trying to upset me.... WHAT DO I DO? I KNWO I KNOW... PRAY... BUT IT'S NOT WORKING... I'M SO MAD I JUST WANNA SLUG HER!!! IF ANYONE STILL READS THIS... I'M SORRY FOR MY LANGUAGE AND FOR BEING SO TERRIBLE. If anyone has any advice.... I'd really like to hear it..... because I'm just gone..... | | |
| Why is it that we... well I guess not we, ME, seem to let stress completely overtake me sometimes. In all reality I have it better than most of the world, but most of the time, I'm too busy worrying to realize it.
Stresses: I need a job ASAP, and a roommate ASAP or I will be flat broke in a month or two. I want to get married to the man I love and really, cannot understand why he wants to wait. There's a person in my life who I am ALWAYS competing with. Someone I REALLY don't like bc they rub their perfect (it seems but it's not) life in my face every chance they get...NORMALLY i would let this person have it, but in this circumstance, I would be hurting my boyfriend and his whole world if I let this girl know it...I jsut want to screaM " STOP IT, YOU'RE NOT BETTER THAN US, WHO GIVES YOU THE RIGHT? STOP SHOWING OFF. WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS FALSE, IT'S NOT PEFECT AND THAT'S OK....GET OVER YOURSELVES. NO ONE CAME TO YOUR RECEPTION BC YOU BOTH ARE SO WRAPPED UP IN YOU ALL THAT YOU LEFT EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF YOUR LIFE...IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT...MAN UP GIRL! AND STOP TRYING T O HURT THE FAMILY BC YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.... YOU'RE MEAN, SELFISH, AND A SPOILED BRAT...GET OVER IT!!!!! But I can't say that. What's worse is that because she feels that way, I CONSTANTLY want to beat her, just to prove. But what do I have to prove to her? Nothing. I know me and Justin are amazing. I know her relationship is fake...so why do I care... But MAN I care. At least she's obssessed with competing with me too.
ANYWAYS.... I'm hardcore wanting to be married. No not for the wedding, don't really care about that. I jsut want to be with him. Fall asleep with him, I want him to come home to me, not his parents or his new roomie. I want to wake up to him. I want to get sick of him bc we spend so much time together. I just want it 
I HHAAVVEE TO FIND A JOB. I need another part time job during the week that pays well.... I guess that's what we all want. *sigh* I'm so tired.
But............. I have a great life! I have SOOO many amazing friends that love me no matter what! And a great family (that I miss since they moved away). I have a descent apartment. And God loves me.... No matter what he here. And I praise him! I love him! I am grateful of these trials because God is strengthening me. I am so blessed. THANK YOU GOD!!!
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| So as you may or may not know, I have found my soulmate almost 2 years ago!  He's amazing, and truly a man God. I could go on and on in a sappy manner about how he makes me laugh on a minute basis or how he loves me enough to hold me accountable even when it's hard, but that would be a gross blog that no one would want to read (and I can't blame you). But I would like to share a new experience that we had, as I think it could be interesting for other people to do.
The good ol' outdoors, ya gotta love em! And we do! To me, being outside in the wilderness is a deep connection with God. Every place you look is a reminder of how BIG and how loving God is to give us such a beautiful world!
Well since I've become a bit of a fitness freak, I LOVE anything "healthy". Justin loves anything outside, so we decided to combine to two. Middle Creek Hiking trail is WWWAAAAYY out in Burlington, but it's just beautiful. Wednesday night after dinner, we took the Jeep and headed out. Once we saw the trail, I was immediately freaking out! We got out and started our hike. The word Incredible just doesn't do this experience justice. It was sticky, muddy, buggy, and a total BLAST! We followed a creek the first mile, and just listening to all the sounds around us was intoxicating. It felt like we were the only 2 people on the planet. It wasn't sappy, gushy, or mushy but yet it was romantic. We didn't even talk a lot. At the beginning he gave me a crash bio course, but the deeper we got into the forest, the louder it began to speak.Even though as I said before, it wasn't like a sappy candle light dinner, it was a great bonding experience for us. Just a cool way to enjoy each other and admire God's canvas. I encourage anyone who loves the outdoors like we do, to just go and soak it in. It was one of the most romantic and relaxing times we have ever had together!
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| Ha, it's been years since I've been on this thing... I need to get stuff out and it needs to be somewhere no one else can find me. I hate this week. I hate the behaviors of everyone around me. I hate the headaches that won't stop, and the feelings of pure failure and disgust I feel for those around me. I'm sick of the lies. I still cannot understand how you can lie to someone... look them in the eye and lie...without feeling one ounce of remorse. It's evil. What worse is that everyone around you will believe you... you can lie, cheat, and betray all of us, yet somehow you remain the victim...how is that?How is it that you cheat on your boyfriend and I become the bad guy? You lie to our entire family and WE are the ones that have done wrong... HOW?! Everyone thinks you're so great... they don't have any idea that you'd throw them under a bus if it meant you got whatever it is your filthy little paws want at the time. I am sick of it... you're entire life you've played pitty party. And your whole life I've tried to guard you, to guide you, and to be the big sis you needed me to be. I've prayed that you would find your way...but now I know that I can't protect you. I'll love you forever, but I have to let you go. Drugs, sex, alcohol, lying, cheating, stealing... go ahead. I can't change you and I can't help you. And it breaks my heart. But you're a selfish bitch. Only God can help you. And now that you've lied to all of us for so long..he's the only one that wants to help you. I love you... but honestly... I don't like you. | | |
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